you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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