We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
