I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
then he tried to convert me to islam
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
