you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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