Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
