In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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