Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
