Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
