yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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