remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
