He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
