just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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