pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
