They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
