I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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