I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
