Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
two words...techno handjob
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
