Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
