okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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