I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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