fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
