The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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