I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
