I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
