Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
