My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My penis needs a shock collar
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
