We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
