Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
