Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
