if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
