yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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