I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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