Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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