Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
