Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize