someone threw a dead crab at me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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