You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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