Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
