Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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