Where is the hickey?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I am morally bankrupt
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
