are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
