There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
