I'm eating all of the evidence.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
