I cockslap morals
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
