i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
