new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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