Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
