All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We left an ass print on the piano.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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