Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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