Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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