you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
