this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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