If that was your dad, he is hot
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
