I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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