I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
