True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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