i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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