i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
