So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
