There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
