Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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