if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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