Can Purell be used as lube?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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