life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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