haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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