If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
