So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
