very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
