is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
