What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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