I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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