how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
