I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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